Letters to JZ – Part 22: Jeffrey Eugenides

“You never get over it. But you get to where it doesn’t bother you so much.”

– Jeffrey Eugenides

 

 

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Letters to JZ – Part 21: While you are sleeping, someone is missing you

From: JZ
Sent: September-26-13 2:30 AM
To: RR
Subject: While you are sleeping, someone is missing you.

Hi honey,

How are you? I hope you sleep better tonight. Did you try to find out what kind of food you are allergic to? You can do a test at the clinic and the doctor might be able to find out what gave you the allergy. I find that the quality of my sleeps are pretty inconsistent, sometimes I get the best sleeps and other times I just get so wired and couldn’t stay asleep. Maybe it’s one of those nights for you.

Hmm.. I hope I don’t ever tick you off. I do joke around a lot with my friends, family, co workers and especially boyfriends. Maybe I do crack some stupid jokes but most of the time I don’t mean it in an offensive way. I can’t imagine you being mean to anyone, so if they bring out that side of you, they probably deserve it 🙂

However, as for me, I am not good at dealing with conflicts. I am usually the one to apologize just to avoid more misunderstandings. So I don’t think we will ever fight 🙂

And I do have a tendency to treat my boyfriend like a kid or call them girly or babyish names. I really think its cute and it’s between both of us only. I don’t do that in public because I know how people can be judgmental.

I sort of understand why you didn’t like it since you told me about your experience as a Bermudian. I will not make the same mistake again. Thanks for acknowledging that it comes an affectionate intention 🙂

And… I actually like the way you spank 🙂 I was joking about the not hard enough part. I think it’s hot the way it is lol

I love pandas, I think it’s a cute name and somehow it’s the national emblem of china 🙂 and you don’t ever have to apologize, you are cutie pie.

I will be quite busy for the next few weeks because school started a while ago and midterm exams are approaching. And there are other stuff too that eats up most of my time. Things will get better after a month for sure. It’s my bad for not being attentive enough. But I will make it up to you hunny bunny. And you are so welcome to text me anytime because I like to know that you are safe and sound too.

You know, I don’t think about the establish men website anymore. I figure if our relationship works out well and you like me enough, you wouldn’t think about the site too 🙂 so you keeping it there doesn’t bother me at all. Yes I think it’s a bit broad when I wrote you can do whatever you want, but I will let you do the judgement because I believe you will never do anything to hurt me or our relationship. If maybe we happen to have problems, we will alway talk it out and try to figure how to make things better. I think it’s all about trust. The EM account being there or not doesn’t really matter to me 🙂

I just checked imdb, and Rush is playing in varsity at 3:40 pm on Friday, so I can meet you at 3-3:15 pm at your place and we will walk over to the theatre?

I can’t wait to see you on Friday 🙂 🙂

Hugs and French kisses, xoxox

 

JZ

 

Sent from my iPhone

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From: RR
Sent: September-26-13 2:28 PM
To: JZ
Subject: RE: While you are sleeping, someone is missing you.

Hey baby J,

Thanks sweetie, I slept much better last night 🙂 I took an antihistamine before I went to sleep which really helped. Another good night’s sleep and I’ll be ready for you tomorrow. Once I am back to work and have medical insurance again I’ll go for an allergy test. It’s long overdue.

I’m just getting to know you and your sense of humour, and I like it, your jokes aren’t stupid. So, no need to hold back at all. You can tease me and call me whatever cute names you want because I know they come from a place of adoration and are terms of endearment. It’s all good 🙂

I rarely get pissed off to the point of just snapping, and I doubt you’ll ever tick me off. I just care about you too much 🙂

If something is bothering you, I really do want to hear about it. Conflicts and arguments are bound to happen, especially between two people that care about each other. As you said, keeping the lines of communication open is important and we both should feel comfortable enough in the relationship to say whatever is on our mind. It’s important to me that you get what you need from me 🙂

Thanks for the heads up regarding school. You don’t have to make up anything to me, I know school is really important and I’m not going to make you feel guilty about it. Like I said, I felt a little selfish bringing it up because I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment. I mean, these last two emails from you came in the small hours of the morning when the rest of the world was asleep. So, I’m cool.

I like what you wrote about EM, our relationship and trust, it sums it up perfectly. Thanks for that. I feel the same way and it’s the reason that I decided to get you the flowers and tell you how I really felt.

Tomorrow at 3-3:15pm sounds good! Can’t wait to see you my gorgeous sweetheart 🙂

Apple mango kisses and bum squeeze,

RR.

xoxoxoxo

 

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From: RR
Sent: September-26-13 4:35 PM
To: JZ
Subject: RE: While you are sleeping, someone is missing you.

Ps. It looks like the 3:40 show is playing the VIP theatre instead of the general audiences theatre. The VIP theatre is okay, but it is smaller with reclining comfy chair thingys and the screen is much smaller. I think it holds around 20 people just to give you an idea of the size of the room and screen. If you’d prefer to see it on a larger regular screen we’ll need to do the 4:20 show, or go to Scotiabank and catch the 4:10 show.

I actually wasn’t really impressed with the VIP theatre, but am open to trying it out again if that’s what you want to do.

RR.

Xoxoxoxo

 

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Letters to JZ – Part 20: Thoughts

And the worst part of it all, how your name will sound so unfamiliar coming from familiar lips that have forgotten how to love you.

 

Letters to JZ – Part 19: Free Movies and Stuff

From: RR
Sent: September-23-13 9:15 AM
To: JZ
Subject: Free Movies and Stuff

Hey baby panda,

Life is really quiet when you are not around. And, recognising 3 months isn’t really a thing, I just thought it would be a sweet thing to do because I’m really sweet on you. So, no need to apologise or anything.

Yesterday I received 3 free movie passes!! I was having a quiet day and I don’t normally write on Sundays, so decided to see The Wolverine again for kicks and giggles, and because there is an after credits scene which we missed that I wanted to see, so off I went. I kinda dilly dallied a little bit, which is actually pretty usual for me, and I got to the theatre a little later than expected so decided to skip the line and use the automated kiosk instead. Well, the little bastard decided to take my money but refused to give me a ticket. I said a few harsh things to the kiosk, but it wouldn’t budge so I went to the ticket counter to complain. I’m now standing in a line I was trying to avoid, so am not a happy camper at this stage. The attendant was nice enough, but referred me to Customer Service because she didn’t have ticket printing capabilities. I’m even less impressed now. At Customer Service, the attendant was unable to find my transaction, so called the manager over to assist. I’m starting to get a little annoyed. The manager then spends a good bit of time looking for the transaction, is also unable to find it, so turns to me and says, uhhh I can’t find it. I’m boiling at this point and let the manager know I’m pissed off. I immediately regret it, but the manager is cool about it and says I can go into the theatre without a ticket and then he gave me 3 free passes for the inconvenience. I shook his hand and said thanks, hoping that this would balance out the bad karma and because I was a little bit of a dick.

So, that’s my story: THREE FREE MOVIE PASSES!!!! With my new found wealth I’m going to quit my job and venture out into the world to, ummm………….oh wait, I already did that.

The good news is balanced out with a bit of bad news, unfortunately. I’ve aggravated my shoulder injury somehow, so am going to take the next 1-2 weeks off to let it heal up. I don’t know what exercises are aggravating it, likely the back training session as I have been increasing the weight lately, so I’m going to shut it down rather than make it worse and let it drag on any longer. The injury is in a place which is preventing me from isolating it from other upper body parts/exercises, so I am going to stop. It drives me crazy because training is the center of my universe and without it I am a little lost. Nothing to do now but be patient. So, apologies sweetie, I may lose a bit of weight in the short term.

So, that’s it for now. Give me a call sometime, I’d love to hear your dulcet tones 🙂

Hugs, kisses and a bum squeeze,

RR.

xoxoxoxo

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From: RR
Sent: September-23-13 11:55 AM
To: JZ
Subject: RE: Free Movies and Stuff

Ps. Forgot to include this in my email. You mentioned Established Men when we were chatting on Friday and I didn’t think about this until Saturday, but would you like me to remove my profile from the site? It’s not an issue if you do, I’ll happily delete it.

RR.

Xoxoxox

 

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From: JZ
Sent: September-25-13 3:05 AM
To: RR
Subject: Re: Free Movies and Stuff

Hi hunny bunny,

Did you call me a panda because I am Chinese? Heheh it’s a cute name 🙂 I really enjoy your company and your sweetness to me. Three months isn’t too long but it means a lot me that you actually kept our special days in mind.

Ohhh you watched wolverine again? So there is an after credit scene at the end of the movie? I didn’t know, was it good? The movie isn’t all that great, I thought Hugh Jackman did a better job in Prisoner being a crazy aggressive dude than a superhero in wolverine lol

It’s so cool how you got the three free tickets, good karma does come around because you are a sweetheart 🙂 AND you never ever acted like a dick and I don’t think you are capable of being one. You cant even spank me hard enough in bed lol You are  such a flower, I am going to call you dandelion 🙂

Anyways, good job for getting three free tickets. Let’s try doing this again and we will never have to buy another movie ticket lol This doesn’t sound too right hehe

Talking about movies, let’s postpone ROM again. Are you up for watching Rush or don Jon? They are both playing this Friday. I prefer rush over don jon but I think somehow we will watch both movies 🙂

I am sorry to hear about your shoulder. It’s been bugging you for a while and you should take some time off. I know exercising is so fun and rewarding, but you have to let your shoulder rest, you don’t want any arthritis in the future right? Maybe you can start training your lower body more or start some yoga classes. I do think yoga helps you loosen up your muscle and it will still keep you fit 🙂

Oh, I need to tell you, I usually read your emails on the day you sent them. I just didn’t have the time to reply. I hope you don’t feel neglected because I am always happy to hear from you. Life is extremely hectic for me. I got off at almost midnight earlier. I got home and took a shower and sat down to reply you is already so late 😦 but I miss you so much, I just love sharing things with you.

I will try to call you one of these days 🙂 I didn’t realize you like talking on the phone. I rarely chatted with anyone on the phone ever since there was pagers lol I had my first pager when I was 12 and my first cell phone when I was 14, then texting just became my thing. I get socially awkward when I talk on the phone lol but I think it will be nice to talk to you in the phone and hear your angelic voice 🙂

And now it’s getting so late and quiet is my area, I got bored and put on a documentary called Food matters, it’s very informative. I was jotting down keys points on how to make our diets healthier. I will share it with you when I see you on Friday or you can watch it when you have time 🙂 I thought you might like it because you are a health nut too 🙂

And one last thing before I doze off. When I was talking about my established men account, I didn’t mean anything. I was telling you how happy I am not having to look for anyone else because I have you and i am completely satisfied. Also because I don’t have the time too, I was going to stop talking to anyone even if I didn’t meet you. What I am trying to say is, its my personal choice not to stay on it. As for you, you can do whatever you want because you have the right and the freedom to do it 🙂 and I won’t interfere with your personal choices and of course I will like you the same 🙂

I hope you are sleeping like a baby piggy. Goodnight!!!

 

Xoxo,

 

JZ
Sent from my iPhone

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From: RR
Sent: September-25-13 12:53 PM
To: JZ
Subject: RE: Free Movies and Stuff

Hey sweetheart,

So, last night was a particularly bad one. I was awake in the wee hours and swear I didn’t get back to sleep until 5 minutes before the alarm went off at 7am. I tried to sleep for another hour, but I’m still feeling groggy this morning. I’m now wondering if this is allergy related as my sinuses were also very swollen last night, maybe as a result of something I ate. In any case, I tried to use a meditation/mind calming technique I’ve successfully used in the past, but I wasn’t successful last night. The good news is I’m not really grumpy this morning, just a little tired.

Which is a perfect segue to…….

Yes, I can be a huge asshole. I’m hoping you never get to see that side of me, and it’s usually as a result of someone being a little shitty with me. I get to the point where I’ve had enough of their BS, so I turn on my big brain and get extremely sharp and personal with the purpose of inflicting maximum verbal damage. I’ve been told it’s quite humorous, but only if you’re not on the receiving end. I also don’t suffer fools at all, sometimes with the same results.

Sorry, that’s not a particularly sexy, flowery side of me. I won’t do that with you, though. Once someone is on my side I’m loyal to a fault. So, I’ll always treat you like you are the most special/important person in my life, which you are J

Actions speak louder than words, though……

And speaking of flower, I’m not a huge fan of being called that. I’m okay with us keeping it as an inside joke between the two of us because I know it comes from an affectionate place. However, other people will look at it as an indictment of me as a person, especially narrow minded Bermudians who view the world in a macho/chauvinistic way. It just makes me seem weak and I don’t really like that for reasons I’ll get into another time.

You should have told me I’m not spanking you hard enough ;p I’m starting to think you might have a little affinity for BDSM!

I actually didn’t even make the connection between panda and Chinese, oooops, sorry about that. I just chose baby panda because it’s a cute name, and I think you are cute J

Yeah, the after credits scene was okay. Actually, I didn’t gain anything from it – I mean, it was a really a teaser for next year’s X-Men movie Days of Future Past, which I’m really looking forward to seeing. I’m hoping they’ll stick pretty closely to the original book/graphic novel because it’s really good.

And yes, I didn’t want to say anything, but I am feeling a little neglected. I was going to keep it to myself because I know you are so busy with work and school and stuff, and all I am doing is sitting here pulling petals off flowers, thinking about how beautifully your eyes sparkled the last time we made love and the feel of your skin on my lips when I kiss you on the cheek. And then you spend a large chunk of your day off on Friday with me. So, yeah after all that I thought I was being a little selfish to bring it up. Anyway, we’re good, no need for the phone call. Just drop me a quick little one line text every now and then to let me know you are alive and well, and I’m okay.

Established Men. Thanks for that, I feel the same way about you. No one has ever told me that I am free to do whatever I want, so I am having a little bit of a hard time understanding what it means exactly within the context of our relationship. And, you were asking me about my account and if I was receiving or could read messages – I took that as you were curious and I know you told me you don’t get jealous, but I thought I’d offer to delete it just in case you were feeling uncomfortable. I mean, I’m not using it anyway and don’t really need it.

I want to see both movies and I think they are both playing at the Varsity, but times haven’t been posted on CinemaClock yet. Rush is also playing at Scotiabank, if Varsity isn’t available. If you prefer to see Rush then let’s plan to see that on Friday.

Hugs and kisses for my gorgeous baby,

RR.

Xoxoxoxo

 

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Letters to JZ – Part 18: Thoughts – Eden Ahbez

There was a boy
A very strange, enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far
Very far, over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
One magic day he passed my way
While we spoke of many things
Fools and Kings
This he said to me:

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return”

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return”

Eden Ahbez as sung by Nat King Cole

 

 

 

Letters to JZ – Part 17: Happy 3 Months

From: RR
Sent: September-16-13 3:29 PM
To: JZ
Subject: Happy 3 Months

Hi sweetheart,

It’s a cool, overcast and kind of a miserable day today, perfect weather for cuddling in bed with that special person in your life 🙂

I wanted to send you a note to mark the day; it was 3 months ago today when we first met, and while it is a small milestone (if you can even call it that) when compared to couples who have spent years or even decades together, it means a lot to me because it was the first of many meetings where I got to spend time with an amazing woman who I absolutely adore.

I’m also writing this in real time. In other words, I started this morning when I got up (while it was still pretty grey outside) and then put it aside until early afternoon (which is now). I’m also discovering that it is a little easier to wax poetic when I’m being a bit of a smart ass, but of course that has no place in an email such as this, so I’m just going to write until I find that genuine place inside of myself and then I’ll share it with you. In fact, I’m looking forward to sharing many things with you.

Ok, here’s a good place to start……

I’m sitting in the Yorkville Lettieri where we agreed to meet for the first time, watching the world go by. I’m not nervous, but am trying to look busy by checking my phone – staring at the door waiting for you to arrive looks needy, which is not a good place to start.  When you arrived you stood outside and surveyed the place from the sidewalk and then reached into your bag, presumably to text me to say you had arrived. I started to rush outside to greet you, but hesitated. I just sat there and looked at you – I was really looking forward to us meeting. You looked really attractive in your photo and your profile was well written, but when you arrived you looked absolutely elegant. Tall and well put together, and much more attractive in person. I just had to stop for a second to take it all in. That initial walk and chat on the couches at the Hazelton Lanes Oval was just so easy and pleasant. In my mind’s eye I can still see your smiling face as we chatted about everything. The almond shape of your eyes, warm and slightly sparkling. Your easy smile with full lips which as I found out later are also very soft and warm. Being close to you just feels so comfortable. For me it’s all about the kiss, and that first kiss was warm and inviting – like something I’ve never felt before, but have known all of my life (if that makes any sense).

Hmmmm, the above isn’t quite what I expected, but perhaps I’ll try again later. I just want to let you know how special you are to me, and how happy I am to have you in my life. I do sometimes think of What Could Be between us, what the future could look like, and it doesn’t scare me. Which is a good thing and a bit of a step forward for me. I just have to let you know that I’m not always Mr. Perfectly Awesome and I’ll likely do things where you’ll think, WTF knucklehead, what were you thinking. I’m also pretty sure that these things won’t be life threatening, but I may lose a wee bit of skin in the process. Umm, hopefully not too much.

Oh, I also like to give hugs. You’ll get used to it ;p

Love and kisses,

RR.

xoxoxoxo

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From: JZ
Sent: September-18-13 10:34 PM
To: RR
Subject: Re: Happy 3 Months

Hello honey,

Thank you for the sweetest email ever. I was smiling while reading it at work and my coworkers asked if I was reading a love letter 🙂 then I just smirked lol

It is quite chilly these days but not on Friday, it will be about 20 degrees but it will rain. The weather is usually nice when we meet. However, it’ll be nice to cuddle in bed when it’s cold out too 🙂

Oh, Happy 3 months!! So we met on the 17th 3 months ago, I will keep this day in mind 🙂 Sorry that I didn’t keep track, but I am so happy we found each other. Getting to know you is one of the best things that happened to me for a long time. No one had been so sweet and attentive to me for years. You are truly a caring and wonderful person!

I am actually inspired by how well you can write. Too bad we didn’t meet sooner, you could’ve written my essays for me hahah I learned most of my writing skills from MSN chat when I was in high school. Ever since I got Internet when I was a kid, I only read a handful of english books. No wonder why my friends said I write and talk like a fob lol

You actually remember the details on the day we met! I remember that I already liked you by your profile picture, the one with you sitting on a rock or stairs. I thought you look cute  , natural and down to earth. Your profile description also made you sound like a smart ass 🙂 When we exchanged messages, you were so polite and easy going and that’s how you are in person too. When we finally met, you looked cute with a bit of shyness hehe But when we sat down,  everything seem so natural that we could easily sit there for two hours and talked non stop lol Do you remember that most of our conversation wasn’t about the arrangement? But more like a date where a woman gets to know more about the man and vice versa. Of course after that, the kiss was great too 🙂 yummmm..

As time goes by, my feeling towards you just accumulates, I started to care about you more and I feel that what we have for each other is reciprocal. Thinking about what could happen in the future between us doesn’t scare me too, I have a feeling that it’ll gear towards the positive side 🙂 maybe something beautiful will happen? It’s a lovely thought and keeps me happy when I think about you.

I have not once thought you were a knucklehead lol I just love teasing you because it gives me the kick. I like you to know deep down, I have a lot of respect for you because you inspire me in a lot of ways. You are smart, articulated, hard working, well disciplined and most importantly to me, you are a very truthful and trustworthy person 🙂 I am sure you have many more awesome traits, I will think harder next time hehe

So on Friday, I don’t know if you have any plans in mind. I just checked the showtimes and Prisoner is playing at scotia bank theatre. The only showtime I can make it to is 4 pm. If you like, we can meet there at around 3:30. But please let me know if you want to do something else 🙂 As usual, I just want to see you and admire your pretty face!

Oh I love hugs especially from you. Have a goodnight sexy 🙂

Xoxoxo

JZ

 

Sent from my iPhone

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From: RR
Sent: September-19-13 4:31 PM
To: JZ
Subject: RE: Happy 3 Months

Hey sweetheart

This was a beautifully written email from the heart. Thanks for everything you said in this note, that was very sweet of you and it really meant a lot to me 🙂

I’m struggling a little bit today with my writing. I’ve been messing about with this email since this morning, and I’ve also been fussing over a blog entry which I started last night. I can be a bit scattered at times and easily distracted, which is a result of the PTSD, and that makes it a bit of a challenge to sit still and focus on what is in front of me at times. Someone suggested meditation as way to find that focus. Perhaps I’ll give that a try at some point. In the meantime, I just went for a walk to run a few errands and am feeling a little more settled, so………

The way I treat you is how I feel about you as a person. We both deserve to have someone in our lives who treats us properly and doesn’t objectify us or take us for granted. I’d prefer to tell you in person, but I want you to feel valued and equal in the relationship. Besides, I like seeing your happy face. That makes me happy.

Yes, I do remember that most of our conversation on the first date was not about the arrangement. It’s one of the best dates I’ve ever had; there was no pretense, it was all about two people getting to know each other. Very nice 🙂

For tomorrow, meeting at Scotiabank at 3:30pm sounds good to me. I’m keen to see Prisoners, perhaps we can do the ROM another time. I’m not really sensitive to us always going to the movies because I do that anyway. It really is my primary form of entertainment, I love the experience and I love sharing it with you. When I was on my own I would go to the movies on a Friday afternoon and then have a nice meal and a glass of wine as a treat to myself for a long week of training. It is much more special now because I get to do that with you 🙂

Have a great day and I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow 🙂

RR.

xoxoxoxo

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From: JZ
Sent: September-20-13 1:20 AM
To: RR
Subject: Re: Happy 3 Months

Hi honey pookie bear,

I think you are sleeping like a baby while I am typing this email 🙂 I hope you have a great sleep and feel good when I see you tomorrow.

You write just fine. But sometimes I have mind blocks or be a bit scattered minded too 🙂 I am not sure if mediation helps, but it doesn’t hurt to give it a try. Maybe it will calm your mind down.

I can’t wait to see you after one more sleep. I love watching movies with you too actually. We can save ROM for next time when there are no good movies showing.

Sorry for my short message, my eyes wouldn’t stay open hehe. Goodnight and see you very soon. Sleep tight.

Xoxo,

JZ

 

Sent from my iPhone

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From: RR
Sent: September-20-13 7:31 AM
To: JZ
Subject: RE: Happy 3 Months

Hey gorgeous baby monkey,

No worries about the short message. I’m always happy to hear from you 🙂

Hope you had a good sleep last night and I’ll see you shortly. I can’t wait to see you 🙂

RR.

xoxoxoxo

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Letters to JZ – Part 16: Thoughts

“I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.”

– Pablo Neruda