Hurt Lyrics by Trent Reznor

Hurt
Lyrics by Trent Reznor

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that’s real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear my crown of thorns
on my liar’s chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Linkin Park – Iridescent Lyrics

“Iridescent”

When you were standing in the wake of devastation

When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown

And with the cataclysm raining down

Insides crying, “Save me now!”

You were there, impossibly alone

 

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go. Let it go

 

And in a burst of light that blinded every angel

As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars

You felt the gravity of tempered grace

Falling into empty space

No one there to catch you in their arms

 

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go. Let it go

 

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go. Let it go

 

Let it go

Let it go

Let it go

Let it go

 

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?

You build up hope, but failure’s all you’ve known

Remember all the sadness and frustration

And let it go. Let it go

Letters to JZ – Part 44

So, that ended quite badly. I don’t know what upset me more, my uncharacteristically bad (but understandable) behaviour, or the fact that I was so easily manipulated. Or, I that let myself be manipulated (?). In any case, lesson learned. The signs were there and I chose to ignore them – which shows how desperate I was for affection. Any kind of affection. I need to make better choices going forward. I also need to take care of myself in the relationship and not give away all my power – I mean, put the other person’s needs before mine – which I did in absolute terms.

In relationships I need to have an explicit conversation about how we can meet each other’s needs.

I need to focus more on the enjoyment of the process, rather than being solely outcome driven.

I need to take the time to be aware of the process instead of driving relationships to a desired outcome or specific target.

I need to understand how to enjoy the relationship without it being based upon the outcome.

I understand that I am always subconsciously looking for the threat in a relationship, I naturally measure threat levels for potential emotional harm.

I need to proactively challenge the idea of (any kind of) relationships as a threat as opposed to passively waiting for something to happen.

I need to proactively engage the moment.

I need to feel genuine when engage with others rather than just doing it.

I need to share more of myself with the people that I meet and then let them respond accordingly.

I understand that it takes the pressure to have my needs met off of me if I share myself with them first.

I understand that creating a test is artificial, rather I should allow people to react to what I have shared with them.

I understand that if I share myself and my needs are not met then I am okay and it is an opportunity to practice forgiveness.

I understand that an absolute outlook creates an environment of no hope and frustration.

I need to create a life that is not absolute and concrete – I need to create reasonable alternatives.

I need to challenge the absolute notion that I have to meet someone in Toronto.

I need to embrace forgiveness for what I did on that Friday night – and from there learn to forgive myself for any future mistakes.

I need to create a life that embraces/values/creates flexibility and a new viewpoint which is reasonable.

This is just a part of it. I may post the rest later, but for now (and after 2 years) I need to move on, apply the lessons I learned and try not to make the same mistake again.